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where’s my way to happiness?
where’s this fucking way??
i’ ve been so sad and depressed in these days and i don’t even know why!
..actually i know it, it’s not just for that but it has big part of fault
.
1-boys are so confusionary, it seems they’re becoming as girls, HEY! it’s girls’ prerogative to be confusionary and hard-understandable, not yours! MEN HAS TO BE MEN AND ACT AS MEN!!!
.
2-i really miss my friends, it’s hard to stay here and live without them..i’d prefer to see my “little sister” not just during the trainings, to see my wonderful friends Agnes and Florence(it’s strange ’cause it’s not very much time i know them but i’m very attached) and a lot of others..
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3-this is the problem, i’m just sad and it’s not only for those things..
maybe it’s just ..i REALLY don’t know
.
the ONLY thing i know is that i HAVE, i ABSOLUTELY HAVE to leave!
i can’t stand living here, i hate the most of this fucking life!…
..and mostly i don’t like(NOT AT ALL) living with my family.
i love them but i love them more if they live in another house possibly a little bit far from mine..
what can i say?! i’m born to be independent,
when i’m alone, i’m almost perfect and i’m happier
and i’m able to live just all by myself: i cook(in a wonderful way!), i do hironing, whashing up..everything and i’m on time!(strange, right?)
.
help!

“And now my life has changed in oh so many ways,
My independence seems to vanish in the haze.
But every now and then I feel so insecure,
I know that I just need you like I’ve never done before”

.

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Let’s get on with the show (Oh Let’s get started)
Turn the lights down low (Turn the lights down low)
You were there from the start (You were there)

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L’odore del sesso

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my mood in these days has been so strange, so crazy

and i was also sick..so sick that we had to call the doctor! (ahi!)

today i felt better so i returned to the “normal life”

i’m tired, already tired of this year which is starting…i think i’m gonna be depressed in the next days..’cos, i don’t know but..it’s so strange

..

before being sick i had a date with my ex-boyfriend

i just wanted to be friends again, maybe special friends, but he wanted somethin’ more..

i’m not in the right mood and in the right situation to have a serious relationship..not with him

and i don’t know how to tell him that know, since some days before the beginning of the lessons something has started with somebody else..maybe something serious(i’m not sure, sometimes it seems like that sometimes not..)

..i just wanna lie don’t-know-where…and listening to music

ah, music my lymph..in this moment music is saving me..

..and now i’m listening..

.

Sometimes I give myself the CREEPS


Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me


It all keeps adding up


I think I’m CRACKING UP


Am I just PARANOID?


Or am I just STONED?

..ah VERY IMPORTANT!!!! i forgot to write: HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGNES!!!!!

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maybe if I died, I would have more time to write..but i definitely prefer being alive!!
..however, vu que je n’ai les temps d’écrire quelque chose
je vais y poster une chanson, dédiée à quelqu’un,
un italien(2italiens..oops! (^ - ^”) ), que je viens de “fréquenter”(désolée, je sais que tu préferais croire que j’étais tombée amoureuse de toi…):

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i feel so..i dont’ know
charged, like reloaded, in peace..
i cleaned ALL the house in these days and now i’m relaxed
..
yesterday i was texting with Agnes(my wonderful polish friend)
she’s great, i love speaking(..texting) with her!
..she’s coming in Italy to ski in february to Dolomiti
the same area in which i’ll go in february!!
i hope she’ s gonna stay in my same locality(San Martino di Castrozza), or at least near mine…
..
lunch is ready..bye

.
..and now i feel the power!
the world is in my hands..i HAVE the power!
it’s beautiful thinking of you while you’re trying to catch me, doing everything i want to..
..as the song said:
.
“I look and stare so deep in your eyes
I touch you on more and more every time
When you leave i’m beggin you not to go
Call your name two,or three times in a row
Such a funny thing for me to try to explain
How i’m feeling and my pride is the one to blame
Yeah, cause i know i don’t understand
Just how your love can do what no one else can”
.
..first it was me and now you’re feeling like this…great sensation!
..POWER!
.
..what can i say?..it’s not my fault..not at all
maybe just a little, i bewitched you, but..
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I’m sorry for the times that I made you scream
For the times that I killed your dreams
For the times that I made your whole world rumble
For the times that I made you cry
For the times that I told you lies
For the times that I watched and let you stumble
..
It’s too bad, but that’s me
What goes around comes around, and you’ll see
That I can carry the burden of pain
’cause it ain’t the first time that a man goes insane
And when I spread my wings to embrace him for life
I’m sucking out his love,
’cause I, I’ll never be nobody’s wife
..
I’m sorry for the times that I didn’t come home
Left you lyin’ in that bed alone
Was flying’ high in the sky when you needed my shoulder
You’re like a stone hanging around my neck, see
Cut it loose before it breaks my back, see
I’ve gotta say what I feel before I grow older
I’m sorry but I ain’t gonna change my ways
You know I’ve tried but I’m still the same
I’ve got to do it my way !!!

and now neither this song make me melt for you..i feel so strong and free
.
La parola non ha ne’ sapore ne’ idea
ma due occhi invadenti petali d’orchidea
se non ha anima …. anima
Ti sento, la musica si muove appena
è un fuoco che mi scoppia dentro,
ti sento, un brivido lungo la schiena
un colpo che fa pieno centro!
Mi ami o no … mi ami o no …. mi ami?
Che mi resta di te, della tua poesia
mentre l’ombra del sogno lenta scivola via
se non ha anima … anima
Ti sento, bellissima statua sommersa
seduti, sdraiati, impacciati!
Ti sento atlantide isola persa,
amanti soltanto accennati !
mi ami o no … mi ami o no …. mi ami ?
Ti sento, deserto lontano miraggio
la sabbia che vuole accecarmi
ti sento, nell’aria un amore selvaggio,
vorrei incontrarti …..
.
now i feel great, but i’m sure
the next days, or maybe the next week
i’ll be totally and utterly depressed..
it’s just..i don’t know, i really cannot understand
you make me feel so special ecc ecc..but i don’t wanna depend on you
i was addicted to you
i just want you to know that i’m doing this just to protect myself
you could and you still can break my heart..i don’t wanna feel torn again
anymore
..so i’m sorry but this is the only thing i can do
.

.
… i thought i was ill
i thought i was crazy in love with you
i thought so many things about me and you
i did so many things for me and you
i dare things that i thought were crazy..
.
you were my illness
but from a couple of days
i feel strange
different
more mature
i know what’s happening
i’m getting well
something, maybe life, maybe the time,
is curing me of love…
.
and i don’t know if i wanna..

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..this is only the 3rd week from the beginning of lessons and I’m already busy and tired
.
I’m upset!…a lot of things to do..and a lot of lost time!
yeah, ’cause attending the Sorbone is not so simple..I need a certificate of my level of french
so I have to pass a really hard exam here in Italy and in the same time:
..keeping excellent notes, going to the driving-school, going to volleyball trainings and preparing the FCE(an english exam)…and also breathing!!!
as Agnes would say: “I’m so fucking tired!!”
…i had the time to see my group of friends just once!!..in a month!!!..and they live in the neibourghood!!

..bye bye